There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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