This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
