you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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