it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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