A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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