All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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