The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
