If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
