laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
