opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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