based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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