stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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