This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
