I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
