he shaved USA in his pubs
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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