wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
