so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
