My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
