i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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