Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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