the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
