I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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