Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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