I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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