Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
