do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
