Soap is not a condiment
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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