what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
