I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
