she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
