i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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