I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
