p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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