Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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