Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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