i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
