i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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