So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's the barista slut.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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