drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
