i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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