so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
