According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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