New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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