Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
