a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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