yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
