i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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