the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the gays at disneyland are vicious
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
