i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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