all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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