i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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