Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
