I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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