is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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