Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
