Don't you send me to vm
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You ruined the universe
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