i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
