Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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