go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
