I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
