thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
