I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
