how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
