At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
