WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
