shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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