My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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