watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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