Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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