I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
did i just pee glitter
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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