Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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