I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
love makes seman taste better
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
