when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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