I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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