its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
