apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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