I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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