I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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