You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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