He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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