He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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