i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
