He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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