It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
did i just pee glitter
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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