the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
